I was dreaming last night, like I always do, and this one just stuck with me...

I was standing in a field of long ankle-length green grass wearing 4 wheeled roller skates, with about 4 or 5 guys, who were also wearing skates. We were just standing around, not saying anything, so I started to skate around the little circle we were standing in.

At first it was pretty hard skating in the grass, but it started to get easier and easier. The guys got tired of watching me skate, so they started to follow me in my little circle. The circle expanded until we could get some get runs on the sides, about 1/2 the size of a rink, and the guys started to get competitive and passing eachother and me. I picked up on their competitiveness a little and light heartedly raced a couple of them, and started to skate faster and faster and faster, until the world seemed like it was just a blur.

My mild competition phased out into Zen Skating, I started to feel my heart pump, my breath rise and fall in my chest with smooth, deep and steady inhales and exhales, the sweat that was rising on my brow was gliding down the sides of my face and falling off into the wind behind me. I lost track of how the little competition was going, and noticed that the guys were falling out one by one, watching me as I sped around the circle.

I started to get bored with the circle, and wanted to see where else my wheels could take me. I was in love with the motion and movement of my body. I was enthralled by my pumping blood and hard working lungs. I felt beautifully Active, and I didn't want to stop.

I looked up from circle in the field to see where I was while I went around and around. Next to the field on one side was a jogging track, with its red pavement and bright white lines. On another side of the field was a tennis court, where a group of people were sitting on the ground on Yoga mats behind the chain-link fence, doing Yoga without anyone leading. Another side was more grass filled field, as far as the eye could see, with a small one lane road winding away from me over hills and around curves, leading to forever.

As I turned a corner and was facing the running track, I broke from the small circle and started skating towards its beautiful red lanes, no longer needing to be watched by the guys who were tired from the competition; no longer needing the competition. I was ready to skate for myself now, and I wanted to try the surface of the track for a while.

When I realized that when I tired from the track, I would then be going onto the road and skating into my future, I noticed the hospital-style sign placed in the center of the track, and read it as I went around and around in impossibly fast circles.

The sign read:

Namaste General

and Namaste it is.

I KNOW that how we relate to each other as human beings directly influences how we act as a society. I KNOW that kindness breeds kindness, love breeds love, just as negativity breeds negativity.

My question, which is directed more directed towards myself than to others (though responses are more than welcome) is this:

Why is it that when I am in a situation where I am being annoyed by another person, I turn into a bully? Why do I verbally accost the other person until I feel like I have 'put them in their place'?

I have discovered that I am a bully. I can't justify my actions on any level, and I feel that I owe this person an apology- which I will do the next time I see them. I know that this person will continue to be annoying, I just need to not let him bother me. I only have to see him 2 hours per week, I can handle this.

What concerns me the most is how can I want to elevate the living experience of everyone around me, and know that good breeds good, and yet still act in a way that is absolutely opposed to how I see the world? I'm very confused at my own actions. I think I haven't been living as consciously as I thought I was, because had I been truly aware of my entire environment, I would not have let the situation get out of control.

That's it! Conscious living! I need to concentrate on being more aware and not slide complacently into my irritable nature.

Thanks for listening!